Dr. Hocksbergen is a recognized world authority on foster care and adoption. He has himself authored a number of books and articles read by the professionals in the field. He is a widely sought after speaker.

He purchased a copy of my book while attending the 2nd World Conference of International Advocates for Children of which I spoke at.

DUTCH:

Lawrence P. Adams (2004). "Lost Son? A Bastard Child’s Journey of Hope, Search, Discovery, and Healing. Baltimore: Publish America. 166 p.

"In de Verenigde Staten verschijnen regelmatig biografieën van adoptiekinderen, van pleegkinderen echter veel minder. Dit boek is een voorbeeld van het laatste.

Lawrence is altijd pleegkind gebleven, hoewel zijn ouders hem graag hadden geadopteerd en de auteur heeft uitgezocht dat er in feite ook niets op tegen was geweest om tot adoptie te komen.

Het systeem van pleegzorg is in de VS anders dan in Nederland. Vroeger althans werd nog sterker benadrukt dat kind en pleegouders geen sterke band met elkaar mochten aangaan. Die emotionele band moest immers voorbehouden blijven aan de biologische ouders. Voor Lawrence blijkt het in menselijk opzicht catastrofaal te zijn geweest dat hij nooit een gezin zijn thuis kon noemen. De kwaliteit van zijn leven is hierdoor ernstig aangetast.

In dit boek beschrijft Lawrence op goed leesbare en beheerst emotionele wijze wat hem vanaf zijn geboorte is overkomen en zijn gevoelens daarbij. Hij verhuisde maar liefst vijftien maal van pleegezin naar pleegezin, naar tehuis, weer terug naar een pleeggezin, etc. Twee adressen karakteriseert hij als een thuis. Boeiend is dat het hierbij gaat om een gezin en een tehuis voor jongens ‘Boys Town’. Het waarom van dit thuisgevoel kan ons aan het denken zetten.

Als hij 36 is heeft hij eerst zijn biologische moeder en vervolgens zijn vader ontmoet. Hij beschrijft beide ontmoetingen en wat hier op volgt gedetailleerd. Het was voor mij een aangrijpend verhaal dat ik geboeid en aan een stuk door heb uitgelezen.

Adoptie-ouders en volwassen geadopteerden zullen veel gedenkwaardigs aantreffen. Het intense verlangen om zich ergens thuis te voelen en de pijn die samengaat met het onvervuld blijven van deze wens, kan ter harte worden genomen.

Je zou dit boek ook een aanklacht kunnen noemen tegen de wijze van pleegzorg in de V.S."
PROF. DR. RENE A.C. HOKSBERGEN Faculty of Social Science, University of Utrecht, Netherlands

ENGLISH:

Lawrence P. Adams (2004). "Lost Son? A Bastard Child’s Journey of Hope, Search, Discovery, and Healing. Baltimore: Publish America. 166 p.

"In the United States biographies of adopted children appear regularly, of foster children however much less. This book is an example of the last.

Lawrence have remained always foster child, although his foster parents had gladly adopted him and the author has selected that in fact also nothing had been against adoption reach.

The system of foster care is in the US different than in the Netherlands. Still more strongly it was in former days at least emphasised that no strong link with each other could child and foster parents contract. That emotional link had reserve to remain to the biological parents. For Lawrence it proves, in human respect, catastrophic that he are never a family at home could call. The quality of his young life was seriously damaged because of this.

In this book Lawrence, in a very readable and in mastery of emotional manner, describes what is was like for him from birth and the feelings that happen thereby. He moved no less than fifteen times of family to family, to an orphanage, to a family, etc. He characterises two addresses as at home. Captivating is that it concerns a foster family and an orphansge for boys `Boys Town. Why this is so for him should make us all pause and think.

At 36 he meets for the firt time his biological mother and later his biological father. He describes both meetings and what resulted in detail.

This book clearly shows the differences in the manner of foster care in the United States and the Netherlands.

Adoptive parents and adult adoptees will find much memorable. The intense desiring to call somewhere home and a family to call one's own, the feelings and the pain which results goes together with them remaining the wish of a lifetime, should be taken heart.

It for me was a tale that I had been seizingly captivated and I couldn't put it down until I had read to the end.
PROF. DR. RENE A.C. HOKSBERGEN Faculty of Social Science, University of Utrecht, Netherlands

In “Lost Son? A Bastard Child’s Journey of Hope, Search, Discovery, and Healing,” first-time author Lawrence P. Adams recounts his heartbreaking journey from the day he was born and given up for adoption by his 19-year-old unwed mother to numerous foster care placements as a child to graduation day from Boys Town in Nebraska at age 18.

Adams’ describes how the Michigan state foster care system failed him numerous times from missed opportunities for adoption with a loving family to placement in an abusive household. Through Adams’ story, we learn how broken and fractured the foster care system is in the United States, and how miraculously, Adams survived this unsettling childhood managing to find salvation at Boys Town at age 11. During his seven years in this new home, he learned he could amount to something in this world and make a difference. We watch as his feelings of worthlessness dissipate as he finds redemption in participating in such group activities as choir and the debate team.

The second half of the book chronicles Adams’ adult life as he struggles with relationships, his health, and his career. His search for his birth mother and family leads him down a long, heartbreaking but necessary path as he grapples with finding his identity and heritage.

In the end, Adams’ book reveals that what is important in life is not so much how we started out in life or what it even looked like in the middle, but what we have become and what we have done with what we have been given. Adams is a testament to this basic tenet and shows that true compassion and integrity is born from within.
MARISA SALCINES, FORMER COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR, IAC (International Advocates for Children)


Another traumatic yet inspiring story told on the level of David Pelzer's "A Boy Called It." Mr. Adams and David Pelzer should not only shake hands but join together in their efforts to inspire others that anything can be overcome as well as reform the foster care system.

Why do I have this feeling that he will be traveling all over the nation soon? What a noble task to undertake. I admire him. It humbles me to think there are people such as David and he that will tackle such difficult tasks.

One day he will appear on Oprah's show and the rest will fall into place.

His story is incredible and is from the heart. He not only survived, he has accomplished much and have yet more to conquer!

Good luck and God Bless you and your work.
A FELLOW AUTHOR


"Lost Son" is a book for everyone. While it depicts the life of Author, Lawrence P. Adams, it also addresses the flaws in the foster care system in this country and the consequences that befall the children in our country...those who do not have a voice. It is heart-wrenching, yet inspiring and motivational story. You journey through his life story feeling as though you are a part of it...feeling the heartache, the betrayal and the good. Never once does the author portray himself as a victim...but as a survivor who savors life!

Lost Son? takes you through more than one-half century in his life. He was put up for adoption at birth, when his unwed mother was unable to care for him.

From there, he basically "fell through the cracks" of the foster care system. He was institutionalized and moved to numerous foster care homes. One family, with whom he spent six and one-half out of his first eleven years attempted to adopt, but were refused. This included attempts by both the foster parents, and also their oldest married son and his wife.

The Michigan foster care system finally gave up on him at age eleven, and sent him to Boys Town, Nebraska to let them deal with him. He arrived there a terrified, angry young boy. Fortunately, with the guidance of some concerned teachers and Msgr. Wegner, who was at the time in charge, he was able to turn his life around and look to the future...leaving Boys Town with a full college scholarship.

During his college years, he began to question his sexual identity, fearing he might be gay. He eventually met his life partner, with whom he shared 22 years...ending only when his partner proved to be unfaithful.

In his early 30's, he suffered his first heart attack. He was embarrassed that he was not able to provide family history.

Shortly thereafter, while planning a vacation to Greece, and in need of a passport, he realized he needed a copy of his birth certificate. Boys Town was able to provide this, and for the first time, he saw the name of his mother.

He was determined to find her, at first just to obtain medical information. After much searching, they were reunited during an emotional visit she made to New York City, where he then resided.

He was also eventually reunited with his siblings, but that proved to be fruitless.

He also located his birth father, but again, communication was sparse, and only one strained visit was ever held.

Sadly, the rocky relationship with his mother ended 12 years later when she found out he was gay, and wished him dead because of it. All further attempts to contact her were in vain, with phone calls being aborted by hang ups, and letters being returned. She died three years later.

From information gathered from his mother, he was able to find his Polish heritage, and several "leads" that began a journey into his ancestry.

Over the years, he has located and met many extended family members who have welcomed him with open arms and made him feel he is truly a part of their family.

Writing the book and publicly speaking out is a part of his healing process. Sharing the book may cause some awareness in those of us who take so much in life for granted.

How he has dealt with his pain and suffering, turning those into forgiveness, growth and healing offers a lesson in perspective to all of us.

This is truly a must read and be heard story! It is a story that will touch your heart and soul and will not soon be forgotten!
CAROL GOULET, EDITOR of LOST SON?"


“In Lost Son, Adams takes you on a heart wrenching journey of loss, pain, reunion, and joy. He leaves no stone unturned when he illustrates the horrific inadequacies of the foster care system—which were plentiful. He points out the inadequacies and places blame where blame is due. He recounts his suicide attempt, sexual identity struggles, and reunion joys and nightmares. As a survivor of four institutions and eleven foster homes, Adams is without a doubt an expert to say the least. I was moved by his description of the love he felt (and received) by one foster family and his wonderful experience at the famous Boys Town. When he later found out that this foster family tried to adopt him several times, but was denied without explanation, I was angered. His spirit always shines through regardless of the horrors and loss he has endured in his 50+ years of life. He is never the martyr. The horror hits again when his birth mother, after a twelve-year reunion, rejects Adams for being gay and the relationship abruptly comes to an end. Again, Adams strength and courage shine through as he removes the negative forces of his life and deals with an unfaithful partner after 22 years, and the epidemic of AIDS that has touched his life immeasurably. The message that is loud and clear is that we must accept the circumstances of our childhood’s and move on while at the same time not accept abusive or toxic people in our lives today. He shares with us his lessons in life and how he has worked through the painful parts. Touched by foster care and adoption or not, we can all take heed of his advice. Triad members and mental health professionals need to read this book to learn about the issues that are general to adoption but specific to foster care survivors. Lawrence,your message will not soon be forgotten by this reader for sure.”
KASEY HAMMER, M.S., ADOPTEE IN REUNION, PSYCHOLOGIST, AUTHOR OF "WHOSE CHILD?" AND "ADOPTION FORUM"


Lawrence P. Adams gives us a taste of reality so few of us ever experience. Yet, with so little in common with him, his story reached straight in and grabbed a hold of my heart. Eleven foster homes, Boys Town, college and an impressive career path are all, the backdrop to the search for family and love in this a journal of a life. His struggles and personal growth overcoming a society plagued with red tape and trite deserves more than a brief summary. It deserves to be read.
GAYLEN M. H. SHARP, AUTHOR OF "TIPPLE'S EVE (www.gaylensharp.com)

The casual book shopper may think that anyone who grew up in this country's child welfare system could write a memoir of his or her experiences. It's not that easy.

First, you've got to physically survive the system itself. With the all too common excessive numbers of foster home placements and replacements and the inconsistent quality of physical, emotional and medical care in those homes, that's not easy to do. Stability is a word such kids find in a dictionary, not in their daily lives.

Not all the kids who enter such a system do survive. Too many of those who do are so damaged in one way or another that they wind up in prison or mental hospitals. Of those who do survive their passage through the child welfare system and manage to make something of their lives, many may wish to leave those experiences buried 'way back in some distant corner of memory rather than share them with others. How many would want to recall such difficult experiences and share them with those who may find such accounts incredible and unbelievable? How many would even have the strength to try to share such experiences?

That's why Mr. Adams' willingness to share his life as a bastard child, a newborn infant consigned to the not-always-tender-mercies of Michigan's child welfare system, is so amazing.

His journey through the strange and bewildering world he had entered through no fault of his own has enormous emotional impact. The cost of surviving in such a world was high, very high!

This is a story of great pain and suffering. It's also a story of what one can accomplish when someone has great strength and, every once in a while, discovers that someone may actually care about him. Pain can't be erased, but perhaps one can move beyond it. Sometimes that hope may be enough to survive.

Mr. Adams tells his story with grace and warmth. It is highly readable and filled with a humanity which is all the more surprising in coming from one who experienced so little of it.
ROGER P., FORMER EMPLOYEE MICHIGAN DEPARTMENT OF CHILD SERVICES